• Sometimes when my kids were infants and woke up in the middle of the night, I would go in the kitchen to make their bottles and I would scream, cry and throw a mini temper tantrum (throw things, stomp my feet and all) in there to get it out of my system.  I was so tired and hated waking up so much and was barely functioning.  My husband was working nights, too.  I would then gather myself and walk back into the bedroom, pick them up from the co-sleeper and peacefully feed them their bottle.  I might have still had a sniffle, but I had gotten my frustration out and it was much better to deal with. — mother of two, 10 months and 2

•  I have told my daughter, “No, you don’t want a bite; it’s NASTY!” only because I wanted to eat MY food.  She has the exact same food on her plate and so does my husband.  Why can’t she just eat hers or his for that matter?! — mother of one, age 2

• We watch one (OK, more like two) episodes of “Mickey Mouse Clubhouse,” “Dora” or “Little Einsteins” in the morning.  Mommy is NOT a morning person and does NOT like having to get out of bed before I lay there awake for at least 30 minutes. — mother of one, age 2

• Even though I know that the girls get up around 6:30 or 7 a.m., on Saturday and Sunday I just shut my door so I can’t hear them and wait until 8 or 8:30 a.m. to get them out of the room. — mother of two, both age 2

• OK, here is not my bad mommy but bad babysitter confession. My friend decided to stop her pacifier addicted 22-month-old cold turkey. He went from pretty much having a plug full time to not at all. Tears, not sleeping, screaming for hours on end at night and nap time ensued and have continued. The other day he was in his pack-and-play at my house, sobbing. He would cry himself to sleep standing up, start to fall over, wake up and scream again. After an hour of this I dug out one of his pacis! The boy needs more sleep, and I just couldn’t listen to him sob anymore, especially when I knew a lot of it was because he was so tired. — mother of one, age 2 (and babysitter of one, age 22 months)

• With my oldest son I would lose my mind.  I’d leave him for 10 to 15 minutes to cry it out. It took me awhile to get to that point. – mother of two, ages 2 and 7

• My youngest son would routinely nap in his carrier. He is just now sleeping through the night in his crib cause I would coddle him.  – mother of two, ages 2 and 7

• Last week, I was cutting veggies for a salad and got distracted by something else in the kitchen.  Next thing I hear is my husband saying, “NO!” and I turn around to see my son stabbing at a cucumber with the knife I’d left laying on the table, totally within reach. — mother of one, age 2

• I think my worst mommy moment to date was a couple months ago.  My son was being a punk and would NOT pick something up.  I could tell he knew exactly what I wanted him to do and was just pretending not to understand, looking around like “Uhhh…you want what, exactly?”  It totally pushed me over the edge and I just screamed at him, “Why won’t you just do it and listen to me?!” and such — it had to be for 30 seconds.  It was terrible and I was so ashamed.  I had to put him in his crib and just go cry downstairs because I really was afraid I might slap him.  It really was awful. – mother of one, age 2

• A few months ago, I turned around from the stove to see my oldest daughter stabbing her hand with a paring knife. Thankfully it was really dull. – mother of two, ages three months and 2

• When my oldest son was a few months old, we took a day trip that was about 100 miles. We were in the habit of putting him in his car seat on the floor but not strapping him in until we were ready to carry him outside. Well, I’d put my son in there, and a little while later, my husband carried him out and snapped the seat in its base. It wasn’t until we were actually at our destination that I went to take my son out of his seat and realized he’d been loose in his seat the whole trip. I grew more than a few gray hairs that day. – mother of four, ages 6 months (triplets) and 2

• With my oldest son, we never let him watch TV before he was 1.5 or so, and then it was just short “Sesame Street” videos from YouTube that were three to four minutes a piece. If we caught his eyes drifting toward the TV, we’d either turn it off or turn him another direction. With these babies, we always feed them in front of the TV and most of the time they crane their eyes so they can watch the screen, at least for a few minutes. Or they watch from their swings. And I don’t have the energy to keep them from doing it all the time. So instead I sometimes just hope really hard that their brains are not being scrambled. Not mother of the year stuff! – mother of four, ages 6 months (triplets) and 2

• With my triplets, it took me a really long time to bond to them. I was so exhausted, I just didn’t have the time or energy to cuddle them or drink in their infanthood like I did with with my oldest. I couldn’t wait for them to be more self-sufficient. And I never really held them unless I had to feed them. Luckily we had lots of volunteers coming to help that did give them lots of cuddling. And I did wonder more than once — more seriously than I’m comfortable admitting– whether we’d be better off if we just gave them up for adoption. I was soooo tired, and spent NO time with my husband because we took different shifts with them and I was sleeping in their room instead of ours. I was miserable when they were tiny. And I feel bad about that now. — mother of four, ages 6 months (triplets) and 2

• I let my kiddos jump on the bed; sometimes I even jump on it with them. — mother of two, ages 5 and 7

• I sometimes feel like I need to spend more time really listening to them. Sometimes I get so wrapped up doing that I need to focus more on being, I guess. — mother of two, ages 5 and 7

• I will sometimes sneak off to a part of the house my son can’t get to so that I can eat treats (like cookies) without having to share. — mother of one, age 2

• I love that my son loves books, but after being asked to read the exact same book for the fifth consecutive time I have distracted him and hidden the book. — mother of one, age 2

• As a person who lived a large portion of my life eating only one meal a day, I do not do the best job of feeding my son regular meal. Instead he has some form of breakfast and dinner and then we snack through a good part of the day, but at least I try to make the snacks somewhat healthy. — mother of one, age 2

• My son’s feet are very ticklish and he doesn’t like me messing with them too much so his toenails don’t get cut as often as they should. Also I accidentally cut both his thumbs the first time I tried to clip his fingernails so I just can’t do it and I have to have my mother trim those. – mother of one, age 2

• Basically I usually feel like a bad mom. I think that comes partly from the fact that I was never closely around many small children and never really thought I ever wanted to have one either. — mother of one, age 2

• Every  morning I put the boys’ bags in the car on my youngest son’s side.  Why, you ask?  Because after I had my youngest and he was in the NICU, our life at home remained normal as in we took our oldest son to school without a newborn in the car, etc.  So, I just got used to it; it was that way for three weeks!  I would drop him then head to the NICU.  Well, after we got home and started to get into our new routine, I would head to school and drop off my oldest.  One day, I was standing in the classroom just gabbing away with one of the teachers in the infant room (they are connected) and she asked how my youngest son was doing?  OMG I had forgotten him in the car!!!  I looked up, gasped and ran out the door to the car.  There he was fast asleep.  So, fast forward to a few days later and I go to pick up my oldest son from school.  I am at the gate of the playground, chatting away and suddenly have a revelation that I had forgotten him AGAIN!!!  I, again, ran to the car and grabbed him. Thank goodness, the weather here isn’t bad here.  I now put all bags on his sides so I know I have him.  To this day, I am so scared of leaving him.  When he is not with me, I have a flutter of nerves and mini panic attack that I have forgotten him and have to remind myself where he is. — mother of two, ages 10 months and 2

• My husband and I were short on our “eat out budget” for the month.  Well, I happen to have our daughter’s Christmas money (she got about $200 between the great-grandparents) for “things that Santa didn’t get you” (so to mom and dad, that read clothes, shoes, hair stuff,  some educational things and a couple toys for her).  She had about $30-40 left and I had it in my wallet, so she treated mommy and daddy to lunch.  It was only $8, but I still feel a little bad. – mother of one, age 2

• A few months ago, my daughter was playing quietly in her room, which always means trouble.  But I totally ignored it for some mommy time. After awhile, she wandered into the living room with her hands and mouth covered in white and pink.  She had gotten into and eaten spackling compound (it was the color changing kind)! I had to call poison control, and she had some unpleasant effects, but she’s still kicking! — mother of one, age 2

• I went to pull up my son’s pants one day and took his feet totally out from under him and he bellyflopped/faceplanted on his VReader and bit through his lip. – mother of one, age 2

• A year ago, I spun my daughter around in an office chair for like five minutes and then stood her on the ground to see her walk dizzy. She totally fell straight back and landed like a board, hitting her head. We were at my in-law’s house and they saw the whole thing. — mother of one, age 2

More confessions to come on Monday.  Feel free to comment and share some more.  It feels good to just let it out!

What bothered me most is how bad it made me feel.  I think I’m a good mom overall, but like all moms, I’ve made mistakes and had bad mom moments.  Like the time when my newly rolling daughter picked up a pair of scissors I’d left on the floor and had them headed straight for her MOUTH!  The next day, she literally found a plastic bag from Target to play with.  These are the things that happen to real moms in real life.  Having someone say that a big confession and bad mom moment is taking their daughter out of her exersaucer to sing karaoke to her is sort of like a slap in the face.  Come on, let’s be honest.

So, I put the word out to the network of moms that I know.  I offered anonymity.  And within minutes I started getting responses.  I got such a response, that I’m breaking this up into three posts!  Turns out that moms are itching to get this stuff off their chests.  Some got their husbands to share, too.  We all know this kind of stuff happens.  Here’s some real, honest answers from some real honest parents who are working hard and doing their best to raise their children.  But, like all of us, they aren’t perfect.

• When my oldest son was 2 I had left a pencil out. While I was on the phone he ran past me with the pencil in his mouth. I had no sooner said to him to get the pencil out of his mouth when he fell onto the couch. It seemed to happen in horrible slow motion! He pierced his palette and ended up being put under for surgery to put five stitches in the back of his mouth. You can still see the scar from the stitches. It’s years later but I still cringe around pencils, especially now that my son uses pencils at home for his school work. In truth we cannot protect our kids from everything but we can do our best to make sure that their environment is safe! – mother of five kids ages newborn, 1, 3, 4 and 6

• I feel like I tell my son “no” too often. However, he is in that stage that he tries to push my buttons and I refuse to back down. He has so many joys and blessings in his life to enjoy, so I am standing firm on my “no’s.”  — mother of one child, age 4

• I cover for my kids with the husband so they don’t get in trouble with the parent they don’t get much time with. It spares feelings but in the long run it is (I imagine) skewing their values. — mother of two children, ages 9 and 11

• My kids eat at McDonald’s once a week. On Tuesday. Chicken nuggets, apple dippers and milk. I realize there could be a lot worse meals, but I know there are a lot better. — mother of two children, ages 5 and 7

• My firstborn was so colicky that (thanks to my mom’s advice) I put cereal in the bottle (even though the book says not to do that). He also slept on his stomach and was not breastfed. He somehow survived and is intelligent and not obese (contrary to what the studies will tell you). — mother of two children, ages 5 and 7

• I feel like a bad parent when I come home from work and am really tired and feel more like engaging in relaxing time than reading books, doing homework, etc. Sometimes I let these things go. – father of two children, ages 5 and 7

• My husband went and picked up the baby from the babysitter’s house last week.  When he went in, she was in her carseat with her blanket in her lap, so he picked her up and put her in the car.  He got home and realized she was never buckled up.  ACK! — mother of two children, ages 3 months and 2

• Before we started sleep training, my daughter would only sleep with massive amounts of white noise. She took many naps, and even spent a night or two in the pack-and-play in our bathroom with the exhaust fan rattling away the entire time. — mother of one child, age 2

• If my husband is going to be teaching and I am alone all evening, I sometimes try to have my daughter play through nap time so she’ll be extra tired and need to go to bed earlier. I never do this when he’s going to be home in the evening to help out. — mother of one child, age 2

• I sometimes tell my husband I have to poo just so I can sit alone on my phone. Bad mom or bad wife? LOL — mother of one child, age 2

• When I took my youngest son in to get his feet measured for his shoes when he was 18 months old, I found out I had him in shoes three sizes too small. Yep, that’s right I said three sizes. And the sad part is he’s my third; you think I would have learned from previous two to get his poor feet measured more frequently than every six months. — mother of three, ages 2, 7 and 11

• One evening after dinner I was really stressed and my oldest daughter wanted me to help her with her homework. It seemed like it was taking forever and I really couldn’t see the lesson behind it so I just told her the answers so we could be done quicker. — mother of three, ages 2, 7 and 11

• I can remember a really bad day during maternity leave that I just left my son in his crib and went outside for at least five minutes, probably more like 10.  I just let him cry because I could not take him anymore. — mother of one, age 2

• I hate, hate, hate whining.  I have told my son that the bulls hate it and that is why when he is crying and whining in the pasture they all come up.  I told him they don’t like it and they are coming to make him stop.  (They really just love him and are checking on him.)  Now all I say is the bulls can hear him and he stops.  I confess a part of me feels guilty about it but another part is extremely happy for the quiet. — mother of one, age 2

• TV is a great babysitter… — mother of one, age 2

• Since my 2-year-old has decided that he is not ready to sleep through the night, yet, and still wakes up ridiculously early in the morning, some days, when I am too tired, I get up with him, change his diaper, give him milk and a snack, turn on the TV in the family room and go back to bed. It is right outside of my bedroom so I can hear everything, I sometimes I get and extra hour of much needed sleep. — mother of two, ages 2 and 5

• Once in a while I go “visit” my mom with the kids, so someone else can play and watch them for me so I can do nothing for a while. — mother of two, ages 2 and 5

• My 5-year-old still drinks from sippy cups several times a day because I don’t want to deal with the mess if she spills her drinks. — mother of two, ages 2 and 5

• I promised my daughter that we could paint after “Sesame Street” is over, but I’m now sitting here with my fingers crossed hoping she forgot. — mother of one, age 2

• One time when my daughter was still in her bucket baby seat, I took her out while we were in a store and completely forgot to buckle her back in. — mother of one, age 2

• I didn’t realize until about two weeks ago that my daughter is outgrowing her current carseat. When forward facing, the straps should come from above their shoulders, rather than under like when rear facing. Luckily, it hadn’t been wrong for long and now she has a new seat. — mother of one, age 2

• When my daughter was little, I made most of her food. But I flat out refused to puree meat (barf!) and the smell of the jarred stuff was so awful that my daughter just didn’t eat much meat until she was able to gum the real thing. — mother of one, age 2

• I gave my daughter a small lick of cake batter the other day, even though it has raw egg. — mother of one, age 2

• I was completely exhausted in the first six weeks and one night my daughter was not crying but over in the pack and play napper just making enough noises that I couldn’t go to sleep and I yelled at her really bad.  Five seconds later I was crying and holding her telling her I was sorry. — mother of one, age 2

• Per the title of the book and also narrated by Samuel L. Jackson, I have told my youngest son, “Please, Child, Please Go the *?$! to Sleep!”  Embarrassed!  He obviously didn’t understand me and this was during the time he was such a horrible napper and would cry and scream himself to sleep because he was so tired. – mother of two, ages 10 months and 2

More confessions to come on Friday and next Monday.  Feel free to comment and share some more.  It feels good to just let it out!

Photo from http://www.recipegirl.com/2011/06/02/chocolate-chip-cookie-dough-brownies/

So when we were having a game day a week ago, I decided to give this recipe a try.  I’m glad I did.  While the recipe calls for homemade brownies, I decided to go with a box mix instead.  It was a busy day.  I got the box mix brownies whipped up while my kiddo finished her lunch.  (It takes her longer to eat.)  They went into the oven during nap time. I took them out and just let them hang out on the counter until after she went to bed.  Seriously.  Then I mixed up the cookie dough mixture, spread it over the top and popped it into the fridge to set overnight.  The cookie dough mixture tastes like chocolate chip cookie dough, but it doesn’t have eggs in it, so it’s safe for little ones and pregnant ladies.  (Where was this recipe when I was pregnant?!)

The hardest thing was removing these guys from the pan and keeping them in one piece.  But, it wasn’t too bad.  I didn’t top them with melted chocolate on top, because I knew that’d be too much for my husband.  He’s not really a chocolate fan.  I know.  I don’t understand that either.  And, actually, I only ended up using 1 cup of mini chocolate chips in the “dough” instead of 1-1/2 cups for the same reason.

The brownies were good.  They were a bit rich, in fact.  And I’m not a person to say that something is rich.  I cut them in a regular brownie size and when I ate them it was a half one instead because they really were rich.  I had a lot left after game day, so I sent them to work with my husband.  They were gone in one day.  I meant to take a photo of the ones I made, but I forgot and they didn’t really last that long!

If you’re looking for a good dessert that’s going to get attention and is pretty darn easy, these are worth a shot for sure!  My diet only regrets that I found this recipe and realized how yummy it tastes!

The kiddo checking out her new valances when I hung them a couple of weeks ago.

But, my daughter’s room is where that all stops.  I want her room to be coordinated and decorated.  She has wall decorations.  She has an entire design scheme.  When she was born, it revolved around light pink and jungle animals.  Now it now revolves around hot pink, black, white and Minnie Mouse.  The kid is a big Mickey and Minnie fan.  It was inspired by the Minnie Mouse comforter I found for her at Walmart, of all places.  I even found perfect matching hot pink beaded valances and a black storage cubby with some hot pink cloth bins.  I’ve hit up my mom, mom friends, husband and sister-in-law for room decor ideas.  It’s going well.

And, of course, to go with that comforter, I have a the matching set of hot pink, black and white Minnie Mouse sheets.  However, I didn’t have any more twin-sized sheets.  I decided as we were shopping to give her options.  I was pulling for something that was sort of in our color palette (see, I even know the right words!).  I showed her Disney Princesses and Hello Kitty.  I was really hoping for Hello Kitty because the sheets were hot pink. She looked right past me and told me she wanted Dora sheets.  Dora?!  The Dora comforter was pink, but the sheets were yellow and blue with just a trace of pink.  That didn’t fit the plan at all.

“But, look at these Hello Kitty sheets,” I protested.  I tried to point out some of their great features.  And she likes Hello Kitty enough.  We have some stickers and a couple of figurines.

“I want Dora,” she said.

OK.  We were on to plan B.   I told her we’d think about it and look some other places first.  After all, she’d be sure to forget.  She’s not a huge Dora fan.  She doesn’t even know that Dora is on television.  She just knows her from stickers, books and a backpack.  I figured that as time passed, she wouldn’t remember the Dora sheets.  I was wrong.

We were at Target a week or so later.  We perused the kids’ sheet aisle.  I pointed out some Winnie the Pooh sheets that were pink.  She likes Pooh.  We have a few books and even let her watch the Pooh movie a few weeks back.  Heck, I had a cute Winnie the Pooh clearance sale shirt in the cart for her.  She would have none of it.  “I need the Dora sheets,” was her response.

So, earlier this week when we went to Walmart for groceries, we took a turn down the bedding aisle.  My daughter knew immediately why we were there and started talking about the Dora sheets.  I again showed her the Hello Kitty with hot pink (plus they were $5 cheaper).  And again she informed me she needed Dora.  Dora went into our cart.

She could hardly wait until I had the sheets on her bed to try them.

Her excitement over these sheets has been cute — and a bit contagious.  She could barely wait for me to get them washed and dried.  Yesterday morning I was working on laundry and she asked if her Dora sheets were finished.  I told her they were and that we’d go put them on her bed right then.  She hopped excitedly around the room and “helped” me put them on.  She chatted about her new Dora bed.  In fact, she was so enthused that when it was nap time a couple of hours later, she had trouble falling asleep.  She was incredibly excited.

They don’t match.   They don’t fit the color palette or design scheme in any way.  But, they make my kiddo happy.  She’s sort of defeating my plans for coordination in her room.  I find it funny that the one time and the one thing that I actually try to coordinate in this house hasn’t totally happened.

At the same time, I respect that she had her opinion and held fast to it.  I also realize this is the first of many style disagreements that are sure to come.  I know I had some with my mom.  This time around, she totally wins.  While I wasn’t crazy about the yellow and blue messing with our design, it all flew out the window when I saw how very happy these sheets made her.  Nothing makes me happier than to see her happy.  The sheets may not be a perfect match to her room, but they are a perfect match to her and that’s all that matters.

OK, I jest, but I really did think about them a lot and think about my own experience.  From a friend perspective, it reminded me to keep them in prayer.  Labor isn’t called labor for nothing as any mom can tell you — it’s hard work.  While some women say that as soon as they have their baby in hand, they completely forget about what they just went through, that wasn’t the case for me.  I still remember lots of details about my labor and delivery (down to my doctor whistling Sonny and Cher’s “I Got You Babe” as he came in for delivery).  I remember how I felt.  And while I was so thankful for my healthy, beautiful baby girl, I also remember when it was over saying to my husband, “How does anyone ever decide to have more than one baby?”

Some women find labor and delivery empowering.  I found mine a bit more on the traumatic side.  I don’t know if it was the Pitocin or what, but even as a person with a high pain tolerance, I had breaking points in my 24-hour escapade.  These are the things I was remembering over the weekend.  I prayed my friend’s labor would be quick and smooth for her.  I am happy to say that she and her beautiful baby boy are both healthy and thriving.  I don’t know how she feels emotionally about her labor.  I just know how I felt about mine.

I thought about what I would tell her if I were there to encourage her.  As my child and I danced around our living room giggling on Saturday night, I wished I could bottle up that feeling for her and give it to her right then.  I knew at that point she’d been in labor for 11 hours.  I knew how I felt at the 11th hour.  And questioning whether this could ever possibly be worth it was at the top of the list.  But, oh my!  Now I know how very worth it that was.

I would say that labor and delivery were probably about the worst 24 hours of my life.  I’ve had hard times.  I live with a chronic disease, but dang, it was hard and miserable.  It was mentally and physically draining to say the least.  And I’d do it all again in a heartbeat.  I’d go through it for a week if I had to.  I’d do whatever it took to get what I’ve had these last two years. I now know my answer to why people have more than one child.  This is why women agree to put themselves through pregnancy, labor and delivery.  The payoff is so worth it.

My husband and I at the start of parenthood with our baby girl way back in October 2009. I've had lots of memories flooding back to my head this week.

That’s the other thing I’d tell a new mom: the payoff is worth it.  Even when you have a screaming newborn, are trying so hard to figure out what he needs and you’re sore and exhausted beyond what you ever thought you could be and wish there was a magical cure to make that kid go to sleep so you could, too.  The payoff is worth it.  It gets better.  The newborn days fly by.  And before you know it, you have a baby who is cooing at you and smiling at you.  You have a baby who giggles at you, waves at you, talks to you, crawls to you, walks to you, laughs with you, eats with you and so totally steals your heart that you can’t imagine how you ever lived before.  It gets better.  It gets good.

I see moms out with tiny babies and I want to tell them these things.  I want to tell them, “It is so worth it.  I know it’s hard.  I know you want to toss the baby out the window some days, but it’s completely worth it.”  I imagine other moms think that when they see me with my toddler.  I think these two years have been great.  I hear that it only gets better.  I can’t imagine that.  Sometimes I tear up just thinking of how fast it already is going by and will continue to.

The other component of this story is that just like with my labor and delivery, I remember all the hard times.  I remember being up in the middle of the night feeding a tiny baby and then staying up past her to pump milk.  I remember the utter exhaustion.  I remember the frustration of trying to get in a shower or even do laundry in the midst of her schedule and my pumping schedule.  I know the challenges of having a toddler with a mind of her own that doesn’t always mesh with our common goals.  There have been hard times.  There still are hard times.  I’d be lying if I told you that I enjoy every single moment of motherhood.   I don’t.  Sometimes it sucks.  Sometimes it drains me.  Sometimes it makes me want to scream.  Sometimes it makes me want to run away.

But, there are good times.  There are way more good times than bad.  And they are worth it.  It is worth all the pain.  It is worth all that my body went through to get my daughter here.  I wish I could share that feeling with new moms as they are in labor.  They don’t know what they’re in for.  In some ways that’s good, because if people really knew how hard parenting is before they have their first baby, then civilization would have ended centuries ago.  But, in some ways that’s bad, because when women are in the middle of labor and having a hard time their first time around, they don’t know all the good things that are in store for them to motivate them to keep going.  Of course women imagine what it will be like and have dreams of motherhood, but it’s so much better than you could ever dream.  It just is.  And that’s what laboring women need most, I think.  That’s what I would love to have been able to bottle up and take to my friend as she was working so hard to get her precious baby boy into the world.

Now I find myself thinking back to our first two weeks home with a newborn.  If I thought labor and delivery were hard, they were nothing like those two weeks.  Along with having jaundice and needing daily blood tests at the hospital, my daughter also had issues with feeding.  We were trying to breastfeed, but she wasn’t able to suck correctly.  So, she was crying most of the night.  We supplemented with formula.  We jumped through hoops.  We saw her pediatrician, another pediatrician who left me in tears and a lactation consultant.  Once we finally figured out how to position a bottle correctly in her mouth, she settled down somewhat and I started pumping milk.  I had a few of my own complications in the midst of everything.  It was the hardest time ever.

I don’t know whether my friends will have a first couple of weeks with their son like we did.  I don’t plan to pester them and find out right now.  That’s the last thing they need.  But, I do know it will be hard and exhausting.  I’ve never met anyone who brought a newborn home from the hospital and talked about how much easier it was than they expected, especially with the first baby.  These are also the times that I want to bottle all the good stuff for them so they know it will get better, it will get easier and it will be worth it.  Yes, they made the right choice.  No, they aren’t bad for questioning that.  Yes, it’s normal to wonder if you can go on another minute.  You will find the strength.  There is no choice.  It comes from a place deep inside you that you never knew existed.

My message to new parents?  Welcome to parenthood.  It’s wonderful, it’s horrible, it’s exhausting, it’s exhilarating, it’s miraculous, it’s draining, it’s filled with worry and it’s worth it.  And, most importantly, when it’s hard, it’s only temporary.  It. Will. Always. Get. Better.  Hang in there!

I fought and battled to make it to this meeting.  I found out about it the previous Sunday, so that gave me days to think about it.  I told my husband I wanted to go.  But then I didn’t want to go.  The weather got bad on Thursday, and I had all sorts of great excuses.  As I battled and debated, I realized if I was fighting this hard not to go then the Devil really must not want me there.  (Yeah, I’m one of THOSE Christians.)  So, I determined I’d go.

I think to the others there this was most likely just a meeting.  To me, that evening it was a spiritual battle of sorts.  And it was getting me out of my shell.  I’m happy to talk in front of a large group of people.  I’m not happy to talk one-on-one with people.  Well, by not happy I mostly mean that I’m not very good at it.  My best way to power through is by asking people questions about themselves just like I do for work.  I was thrown off guard from the beginning when a new member introduced himself and then began asking questions about me.  Woah!  It was fine.  It was normal, but I sort of stalled a minute.  Usually I’m the one asking the questions.

The meeting was a good one.  My plan had been to see if maybe there would be ways that I could participate in this ministry by praying and writing notecards at home rather than going into church and meeting with other people to do so.  But, as I sat there listening, I realized that trying to do this with other people is probably exactly what I need.  It gets me out of my shell a bit.  It takes me out of my comfort zone.  I realize that may sound odd to extroverts.  For example, I think of my mom who is sweet and talkative.  She went with my daughter to story time at the library last week.  It’s the same story time Lexiana and I have been going to for nearly a year.  My mom found out more about the story time librarian and the other faithful mom and toddler in one week than I have in the entire year we’ve been going.  I try.  I really do, but it’s not natural to me.  I strive to be intentional.

So my plan is to work my way out of my bubble in this one area by getting involved in this ministry.  I’m both excited about it and not excited at the same time because it’s hard to me.  But, the other thing I know is that God doesn’t want me to be comfortable 24/7.  Jesus certainly wasn’t during His ministry on earth.  If I want to be like Jesus, then I need to push myself.  And this is pushing myself.  At the same time, I completely understand that it seems silly to some that meeting with people regularly is pushing myself.  I hear you.  All I can tell you is that to an introvert, it is.  I thrive on information so I know exactly what I’m getting into.  For that purpose, this meeting was good.  I got a very good idea of how things will be set up and what to expect when I go in.  That makes it easier for me.  However, my heart is racing just a bit now thinking of this and doing it.  And I totally know how crazy that sounds.

At the same time, I also know that I’m not alone.  I’m not a freak.  (Well, maybe, but not for this reason.)  I’ve read a few introvert books.  I enjoyed “The Introvert Advantage” by Marti Olsen Laney when I read it years ago.  It was the first book I read that made me realize what it means to be an introvert and that I wasn’t weird, anti-social or alone in my feelings.  Right now I’m reading “Introverts in Church” by Adam S. McHugh.  I’m just over halfway through it and I’m really enjoying it.  In fact, the book was part of my inspiration to try and get outside of my nice little bubble.  This book tells me that I’m far from the only introvert who struggles to find her way in church involvement and ministry.  There are lots of us out there.  McHugh himself is an introvert and a pastor.  He recounts his and others’ struggles with their nature versus their calling in the book.  It’s a matter of finding balance between recharging alone and being with others in ministry and service.

I tell you all of this to share with you a bit of this journey that I’m on right now.  I may give you some updates here and there.  I am asking for prayer as I work just a bit out of my comfort zone and reach out.  I’ve had times of doing this in the past where I ended up feeling letdown, which is a great tool for the Devil to use to discourage me from trying again.  However, I know through the power of Jesus that I can overcome that.  He is so much stronger than the Devil.  And He’s also stronger than I.

Whether you’re an introvert or an extrovert, what are you working on to get outside of your comfort zone?  Join me on my journey!  We can keep each other accountable.

There is a balance between meeting students’ needs and meeting classroom needs.  It’s a tricky path for teachers to navigate.  I understand that.  I am fortunate that the only classes I have taught have been at the college level where the students are responsible for what they do and I didn’t have to monitor their bathroom breaks.

Common sense seems to have gone down the toilet in some schools that are denying children bathroom access as needed.

At the same time, I remember my days as a student.  My bladder symptoms started by age 3.  I have always had to go to the bathroom more than the average person.  These days, I literally go more often than my toddler.  I can go to the bathroom and have to go again within 45 minutes.  And I have to desperately go both times.  When I don’t go, I experience pain.

So, here’s my problem with strict school policies: kids have issues.  Some kids have small bladders.  Some kids have nervous bladders.  Some kids have IC like I do.  And some kids are going to have to go just because they are told they can’t.  Sort of like when the “Fasten Seatbelt” light is on during an airplane trip.  You were fine in the minute before the light popped on, but now you’re thinking about it and you have to go.

I understand the argument that says students who have a medical condition and need more frequent bathroom access should bring in a medical note.  But, that’s not always possible.  In many of the cases mentioned above, that wouldn’t work.  Heck, in my own case, I had trouble all through elementary, but it wasn’t until I finally saw a competent urologist in eighth grade that I was actually diagnosed and got a permanent pass from him for bathroom access.  That’s a long time that I could have been denied bathroom access without a diagnosed medical condition (aside from frequent urinary tract infections).

I shudder to think of dealing with this topic when my child goes to school.  I shudder enough that it makes me entertain the idea of homeschooling.  Seriously.  Hopefully she won’t have IC, but even if she doesn’t, I never want her to be forced to hold it.  We are very, very serious around this house about doing everything we can to prevent urinary tract infections.  It started when she was a newborn.  I’m not sure if we were even out of the hospital before I began making sure that all wipes went front to back.  Now that she is potty trained, it’s so ingrained in her already that she says, “Front to back” as she cleans up after going to the bathroom.  Holding urine for too long can lead to urinary tract infections.  They are horrible.  Granted, I’ve never had a UTI in a normal bladder.  I only know them from the perspective of an IC bladder, but they are pure heck.  I know it’s not much better in a normal bladder.  Why take that risk?

The other perspective of this entire situation that bothers me is that good kids are being punished for the misbehavior of a few.  I HATE that almost as much as I hate denial to bathroom access.  I have been there done that soooooo many times.  I was always the good kid.  I hated to get in trouble.  So, I didn’t.  I’ve always been quiet, which translates well into the classroom.  I’ve always been studious and I’ve always had high expectations for myself — both of which worked in my favor in classrooms.  I remember the first time I missed a question on an assignment when I was in first grade.  I came home in tears.  Yep, I was a good student.

And for that reason I was often punished.  Sometimes when we went on field trips my teacher would sit a talkative, annoying, ill behaved child in the seat next to me on the school bus in hopes I’d somehow be a good influence.  It never worked.  All that accomplished was my field trip being ruined.  The same thing would happen in the classroom.  I remember times of struggling to hear the teacher because the Bozo beside me wouldn’t shut up and listen.  He or she would have been the same Bozo who messed around in the bathroom so much or wandered around the school during bathroom breaks that I’d be denied access.

Come on.  There has to be some shred of common sense left in our country and in our school systems.  Even prisoners have the right to go to the bathroom darn near any time they choose.  Dogs go as they please.  But, elementary school (and older!) students are denied access because some dillhole doinked around and now everyone has to suffer.  I’m not for it.  It ticks me off.  And heaven help my child’s teacher should this ever happen to her.  I am a calm, rational, slow-to-anger person, but some things ruffle my feathers.  This is one of them.

What do you think?  Am I a bit over-sensitive here?

It sat on my counter for a while.  I’m lazy that way.  But a couple of weeks ago, I finally cleaned off the clutter on that countertop when my daughter was with her grandparents and decided it was time to hang the cross.  I wanted to hang it in my daughter’s room.  I grabbed the hammer from the garage.  I took the tiny nail off the back that my dad had taped on for me to use.  (He’s very organized that way.)  I lined it up where I wanted it and started tapping the nail into the wall.  Have I mentioned that this is something I don’t usually do?  We don’t have a lot of pictures hanging in our house, but until this cross, all of them had been hung by my husband.

With one final small tap to get the nail in place, it slid flush to the wall.  I tried the back of the hammer to pull it out a bit.  I succeeded in making a mark or two on the wall paint.  I called my husband at work.  He suggested I try a knife.  He should remember who he’s talking to.  After all, I am the same woman who recently cut her finger on a wooden popsicle stick.  No, I’m not exaggerating.  I tried a butter knife (which I also recently cut myself with), but it didn’t work.

When the kiddo came home later that day, she noticed the nail.  She thought it was a hole in the wall, which is what it looked like.  She talked about it briefly.  I told her it was nothing to worry about. Life went on.  A few days later, my handy husband pulled out a box cutter, shimmied it under the nail in no time and had the cross hung.  Lexiana noticed it immediately when she went into her room again.

This cross, made by my grandpa, hangs on my daughter's wall. It reminds me both of God's love and my grandpa, who's favorite song was "The Old Rugged Cross."

She is very into helping things feel better right now.  If she bites her tongue, she insists a drink of milk will help it feel better.  If she is pretending that her doll is sick, she tells us that a drink of her pretend juice bottle will make the doll feel better.  That is her state of mind.  So, when she came into the room and noticed the cross covering the “hole” she said, “That cross will help make the hole feel better.”  I told her that was right.

Then I started thinking about the profoundness of that statement.  For centuries, the cross has been making holes feel better.  Holes in hearts and souls.  As a contemporary Christian song says, “There’s a God-shaped hole in all of us.”  There’s something about life that gets better when we focus on the cross.  It takes our brokenness, emptiness and loneliness and it makes us feel better.  While most of the things my daughter is interested in to make herself, her toys or even her parents feel better are temporary fixes, the cross is a permanent one.  It was a phenomenal, monumental, beyond-comprehension gift given to us when God’s only Son died to save us 2,000-some years ago.  It never goes out of date or out of style.  Its fix won’t stop.  It makes the holes in all of us feel better if only we trust.

I stand in awe of the God who speaks through a toddler and uses a cross made by one of His children who He’s called home to minister to my heart and soul.  I know my grandpa could never have imagined the little curly-haired redhead great-granddaughter of his who would talk about this cross when he crafted it so many years ago.  But, God knew.  God had a plan as He always does.  And, I am blessed, humbled and thankful today.

Last week, Chris and I talked about the upcoming weekend and what we’d do.  I figured I might plan it since I had come up with it.  However, he said that he would.  I concurred.  I told him it didn’t have to be a surprise.  He asked if I wanted to know.  After some consideration, I decided I liked the idea of a surprise better, so he kept mum.  I know myself.  I tend to struggle with being a bit of a control freak.  I knew that relaxing and just enjoying the day without worrying about what we were going to do next would be fun.  I’m not so great at spontaneity or surprises, so this was out of the ordinary for me.  Usually I want to know exactly what we’re doing, where we’re going and when we’ll be home.  It was nice to release that for a day.

All I knew to start the day is that we had to be ready by 10 a.m. to drop the kiddo off at his parents’ house and that I was fine wearing my regular casual clothes.  We headed south.  As we were driving, I realized how much work this was for him to come up with a date in the midst of the busy and stressful workweek he’d had.  I also realized how much he must love me if he was willing to drive to Indianapolis on a weekend for me.  The poor guy drives that 70-mile one-way commute every single day for work.  If we ever go there on the weekend, I drive to give him a break, but that wasn’t possible Saturday since I didn’t know where we were going.  He’s a good man.  He didn’t complain once.  I told him that I appreciated these things.

My loaded potato chips. Not super healthy, but oh-so-yummy and a fine start to a good date day!

Turns out we were headed to Jersey’s Cafe, a restaurant featured on the Food Network’s “Diners, Drive-Ins and Dives.”  We’d gone there back in May and it was sooooo good.  Sooooo good.  I tried a cheesesteak, but I had food envy of my husband’s loaded potato chips.  That’s what I got this time around (along with a salad to help me feel healthier!).  The restaurant was in the middle of filming a news interview that will air on Super Bowl Sunday.  We saw a bit of that and talked about the quality of the questions the interviewer was asking.  (It’s what I do.  I can’t help but notice these things.)  We spent a few minutes of our dining experience with a cameraman pretty much at our table.  Not the most romantic thing, but it was fun.  We had a great lunch.  My only regret is that my stomach wasn’t big enough to finish all the chips.  It was sad to leave some there.  (This, my friends, is probably why I’m on a diet right now!)

The camera guy who spent a brief part of our lunch with us.

We had some time to kill before our next part of the date.  We went to a shopping center and visited J.C. Penney.  I had a gift card left from Christmas to spend and was happy to find some new shirts.  Chris did, too.  It was nice to shop and be able to run into the dressing room without worrying about entertaining a toddler.  And I found something nice to wear for his company party in a couple of weeks.  Yay!

Our next stop was to see “Beauty and the Beast” in 3D.  When I’d first heard it was coming back to the big screen, I told Chris I didn’t want to see it.  Then I started seeing commercials for it and realized I was tearing up every single time.  I love that movie.  I own very few movies myself, and I only re-watch a select few movies.  “Beauty and the Beast” is one of them.  I have it memorized.  It started way back the summer in between seventh and eighth grade when I marched with the high school band to “Beauty and the Beast.”  I just absolutely love it. My husband could totally take or leave it.  And that’s why I appreciated that he planned this movie to see.  In fact, he planned it well.  He stopped on his way home from work the day before and bought the tickets in case lunch ran late so we wouldn’t have to wait in line.  Good man, he is!

After the movie ended (and, yes, I totally cried a few times because I’m that sentimental and love it so much), Chris told me what he was thinking.  His plan had been to go back home and play some games together before picking up the kiddo.  I had mentioned, however, a game store that we’ve been wanting to check out while we were eating lunch.  He asked me what I’d rather do: hit the game store or go home to play games.  We opted to check out the game store and were glad we did.  We laughed in the car about how not all wives would think heading to a game store on date day would be a good plan.  But, I did.

In all, it was an incredibly good day.  Having dinner and seeing a movie isn’t something new to us, but the way in which we did it was different.  We left town to do so and it was a surprise to me.  I think the surprise was the best part.  While I try to always appreciate the things that my husband does, I realized that watching him plan this to make sure it would be a good day for me helps me appreciate him even more.  He thinks of me.  He knows me.  He cares about me.  He even brought some napkins back from the snack bar with his drink before the movie started because he knew I’d cry.  Little things that really do mean so much.  These are all things that I know, but it’s so nice to have time and a chance to really appreciate them and really appreciate him for the caring man that he is.

I’d say our first day in the Marriage Dating Project was a success.  He told me going in that he was sort of setting the bar low, but I have to disagree.  I think it was a great date that I enjoyed very much.  I can’t wait to have a chance to give him a surprise date doing his favorite things.  Funny how turn about is fair play, even in good ways!

Image taken from http://www.kelloggskrave.com

Holy moly! it’s some good cereal!  I love chocolate.  I love milk.  The combination of the two together is my absolute favorite.  A few years ago, I was a big fan of Oreo-Os cereal from Post.  I wished I’d have known it was going to go out of production before it did and I would have bought a case.  Maybe two.  I still think about it every so often.  Memories.  We were so happy together…

And now there is Krave.  Part of me wishes that I wouldn’t have tried it.  It’s not unhealthy, per se, but it’s not as healthy as other cereal options.  But, dang, it is so good.  Somehow the outer shell stays crunchy, but not the kind of crunchy like Captain Crunch that feels like it’s cutting the roof of your mouth.  Just crunchy goodness.  And the inside is a melty sort of chocolate that reminds me a lot of my favorite Milano cookies that I told you about.

I would like to tell you that I eat it only for a snack, but I don’t.  These last few days, I have eaten it as my breakfast.  And I’ve loved every single bite.  I’m plotting my next trip to the grocery store to coincide with my box turning up empty.  I don’t especially want to run out even though I have two other boxes of cereal right now as well.

The other thing that I like about getting my chocolate fix from a cereal instead of candy, cake or cookies is that it’s lower fat.  The sugar isn’t the best, but the fat and calories at least are much better.  So, even though I’m definitely not declaring it bona fide health food, I am saying that it still fits in with my goal to shed some pounds and get healthier.  And it makes me feel like I’m having a decadent chocolate treat without totally breaking the calorie and fat content bank.

I tried going for Special K Chocolatey Delight a few months ago on the recommendation of a friend.  I ate one bowl, maybe two.  Then I ended up throwing the box away.  It wasn’t that great.  And it certainly wasn’t as chocolatey as Krave.

If you like chocolate and you halfway like cereal, you’ve totally got to try Krave.  I LOVE the double chocolate, but if you’re a little less into chocolate, go for the single chocolate.  Your taste buds will thank you!