I am not sorry
“I’m sorry.” Â These two words are powerful. Â They most certainly have their time and place in language and in relationships. Â However, they are two words that can be overused, especially by women. Â I am one of those women. Â I have apologized for things that I have no control over. Â Heck, I’ve even apologized to servers at restaurants for THEIR mistakes. Â “I’m sorry, but I ordered a baked potato instead of french fries.” Â And then I might even throw in another apology for good measure.
This apologizing and excusing comes into play in motherhood as well. Â Some moms feel the need to justify their decisions and their child-rearing to their friends and even random strangers. Â We may be confident in what we’ve chosen. Â We may firmly believe that we’re doing the best we can for our families. Â Yet, seeing another mom doing something differently or a stranger just looking at us a certain way and we feel like we ought to explain. I’m sure psychologists have lots of theories and explanations for this. Â I’m sure I could delve deep into my psyche and perhaps my past experiences and come up with some reasons as well. Â But that’s not what this blog post is about. Â This post is about me learning to do something about all of this unnecessary apologizing and explaining.
In the last few years, I have been pushing myself to just shut my mouth. Â Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn’t. Â I almost always still feel the urge to explain myself or to apologize. Â However, I am learning to stifle that urge more and more. Â This is for myself, but it’s also for my children, especially my daughter. Â I don’t want her to apologize for things that aren’t her fault. Â I don’t want her to feel the need to explain herself to anyone who doesn’t need to know why she’s made the decisions she has. Â I want her to be bold and confident. Â And I know that everything I do, every interaction I have that she is watching and learning. Â Just as she talks to her brother in the same tone of voice and using the same words that I do, so will she mimic this behavior. Â I’m sorry, but that’s not OK with me. Â No, wait. Â I’m not sorry.
You, mama, don’t have to be sorry either. Â You don’t have to apologize and you don’t have to explain yourself. Â We other moms probably aren’t judging you nearly as harshly (if at all!) as you think we are. Â If we are, then unfriend us. Â Nobody needs that negativity in her life. Here are some things of late for which I refuse to apologize or explain. Â You can judge me if you want. Â Go ahead. Â I really, truly don’t care. Â If it bothers you enough, click away to another Web site.
– I’m not sorry for feeding my children chicken nuggets for lunch every couple of weeks or so. Â I recently had a friend visiting and found myself starting to explain why we were having chicken nuggets that day. Â And then I stopped. Â She didn’t care.
– I’m not sorry for ordering my food a certain way at a restaurant because I have dietary restrictions I don’t always care to discuss.
– I’m not sorry for picking my son up off the floor at the hair salon when he started throwing a temper tantrum and distract him by looking out the window instead of disciplining him. It was the moment. Â And it was the right decision at the time. Â Trust me. Â That doesn’t happen all the time.
– I’m not sorry for my dog jumping on you at the vet’s office when you got him all excited.
– I’m not sorry for letting my daughter watch a third episode of “Daniel Tiger” so I could have a few minutes to myself.
– I’m not sorry that I need downtime. Â I don’t need to justify it.
– I’m not going to explain why the one afternoon I had a break from my children recently that I spent the time reading and napping instead of cleaning my house that was verging on a disaster zone.
– I’m not going to apologize for the three minutes I spent checking Facebook on my iPhone during lunch with my children with whom I had been interacting with constantly for the previous four hours.
– I’m not going to explain why my daughter isn’t taking another dance class this fall.
– I have no need to explain why sometimes we eat canned Spaghetti-Os for dinner and my children gobble it up better than if I spent an hour cooking.
– I’m not going to explain why my children are in the car seats they are or facing the direction they’re facing. Â They are safe.
Every day this list could change, evolve and grow. Â And every day, someone in my life who I think may be caring about a decision I made or judging me is most likely too worried about themselves to even start to care about my decisions or judge me for them. Â I don’t have to be constantly sorry. I am not responsible for the happiness of the entire world. Â I cannot control every single thing in every single situation. Â I am not perfect.
I’m not even sorry for my imperfection. Â My imperfection is what makes me human. Â My imperfection is what reminds me that I need God. Â My imperfection makes me real and gives me goals to work toward. Â My imperfection gives me opportunities to teach my children about how to make mistakes and take responsibility for them. Â I am not sorry for being me even though sometimes I wish I were a better version of me. Â I also do not owe people an explanation as to why I am the way I am or have made the choices I have.
To some, this is not earth shattering news. Â That is awesome. Â To others like me who have struggled with this tendency throughout life, I ask you to join me. Â Partner with me in working to sometimes just be quiet instead of apologize. Â Remind yourself that you aren’t responsible for the happiness of the whole world. Â Remember that you don’t owe anyone explanations. Â Remember that sometimes you can just keep quiet and that’s OK. Â You don’t have to apologize or explain. Â Join me in silence. Â You won’t be sorry that you did. Â 😉
Comments Closed