Looking forward to 2013

I can hardly believe that 2013 is underway.  Have I mentioned how time flies before?  Have I also mentioned how it simultaneously drags?  It’s a weird state of being.  I’ve heard said about parenthood that the days are long, but the years fly by.  I definitely find truth in that, especially these days when I’m tired, not feeling well and super pregnant.  I count each day I survive as an accomplishment — even though life really is good!

This is me back in May right after finding out that baby number two is on the way.

I took a look back at what I was thinking at the end of 2011.  It was a rougher year for our family.  2012 ended up being much better.  It was a quieter sort of year with minimal drama overall.  One of its highlights came in May when I found out I was expecting our second child.  Even now only three weeks from my due date, I still have moments where I think, “Holy cow!  I’m pregnant!”  This pregnancy has brought more struggles than my first, culminating with modified bedrest shortly before Thanksgiving.  But, I am so incredibly thankful for it.  There was a time in 2011 where we weren’t sure if having another baby would be a choice we’d get to make.  I had some physical issues that for a few weeks indicated another pregnancy wouldn’t be a good idea.  I didn’t even share that information with my family.  It was too hard to speak about.  And then the news came that we could have another child if we wanted.  We had lots and lots of discussions and decided we were ready.  Our first month of trying was successful, which was exciting and shocking and a bit terrifying all at once!  This time around we know a bit of what we’re in for with a newborn, which is crazy enough.  We don’t know exactly what we’re in for with a newborn and a 3-year-old, which is most terrifying of all!

Aside from baby news in 2012, the year was also a good one with our daughter.  She has continued to grow and change and fully become her own person.  She talks like a grown-up and is constantly singing.  The kiddo loves to perform.  These days she’ll pull her wooden Winnie the Pooh chairs around the house to stand on as her stage.  She prefers singing with one of her play microphones as well.  We’ve been in restaurants and she’ll start singing and look around wondering why not everyone has stopped to listen to her.

She gets lots of attention anyway with her red, curly hair.  I’ve been proud to see her growing and becoming such a little people person.  She loves chatting with people and being around people.  Even just having our friends over is exciting to her.  I never remember being excited for my parents’ friends to come visit!  But, she loves it.  She is my little extrovert through and through.  I’m constantly amazed at her caring personality, her incredible memory, her intelligence, her wit and her beauty.  Sometimes when we’re playing I make her pause for a hug because I love her so much I can’t stand it!  It’s been a very fun year getting to see her grow and play.  She’s gone from needing more interaction with play time at the beginning of the year to making up her own story lines with her toys.  She has all these imaginary worlds she plays in both on her own and with us.  Her favorite pretend game by the end of 2012 has been for her to be the mommy and me to be the little girl.  I hear a lot of what I say to her coming from her mouth when she’s the mommy.

My child showing off her BatGirl pajamas that she got to wear on Christmas Eve. She fell in love with them immediately!

I’ve also noticed even more in 2012 how very much my child picks up on and knows.  She doesn’t miss a thing.  We save conversations about topics she doesn’t need to know about for when we’re alone.  She has lots of questions.  There is no talking in code any more.  She figures things out.  At the same time, this is also a good reminder of how important it is for my husband and I, especially, to behave and say things we want her to learn.  For example, I have recently said to my husband a few times that he takes such good care of the kiddo and me.  He always does, but he’s having to do even more these days with my modified bedrest.  When we got a snowstorm recently and had to leave the house, he first carried the kiddo to the car, then came back and helped me.  He’s great like that.  I didn’t think anything of it until the other day Lexiana said to me, “You take good care of me.  You’re such a good mommy.”  First of all, that made me choke up, because what mother wouldn’t want to hear that?!  Second of all, it reminded me that she’s always listening.  If she picks up on the positive feedback I give my husband and others, then she’ll pick up on any negative feedback, too.  I must always remember that!

As good as it was, I’m not all that sad to see 2012 go.  It was a good year, but I’m looking forward to 2013.  It’s going to be a crazier year, I know, with adding in a new family member.  But, I can’t wait to have my baby boy in my arms soon and introduce him to his sister who’s also anxiously waiting for him.  I’ve been praying about the transition our family will be going through.  I’ve been praying for my daughter to help her through this transition as well.  There are so many thoughts and worries and concerns, but at the end of the day, there are so many more blessings.  I had so much anxiety before my daughter was born.  I still have some anxiety, but I’ve learned in three years that most of it is for naught and I’ve been reminded that I can fully trust God.  I can leave it at His feet and know that He is in control no matter what happens.

2013 is a year with some change in it for our family.  It will be good change.  This time next year I’ll be writing with a 4-year-old and almost 1-year-old and that blows my mind to even think about right now.  My daughter will start preschool in the fall.  We’ll figure out how to be a family of four.  My work will dramatically slow down.  So much is coming in this year!  And 90 percent of the time, I’m ready and say, “Bring it on!”  The other 10 percent of the time I’m terrified.  A healthy dose of fear comes along with change, though.

I’m looking forward to 2013 and seeing what it will bring.  I have a feeling it will be another year that goes both fast and slow at the same time.  Hopefully I can hang on, enjoy the ride and not miss a single minute!

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