Bad mommy moments

I’m pretty sure that every mother has bad mommy moments.  Over the weekend, I had my share of them one right after the other.  I’m not sure that each one was my fault, but I completely take the blame.

It started Friday afternoon.  Lexiana and I were walking into a restaurant for lunch with a friend.  As always when she walks outside, Lexiana was holding onto my finger so she would stay right with me and I could help her out.  We reached an uneven part of the sidewalk.  My attention was distracted for just the split second it took her to trip.  She landed on both knees on the cement.  Her left knee had just started to completely heal from a few weeks before when she’d taken a spill at my grandma’s house.  Now both of her knees are skinned.  The left one is worse than the right.  But, the right one also has two small bruises just beneath it from a couple of other falls at home.

It was a bad mommy moment for me.  Yes, it was an accident.  Yes, these things happen.  Yes, she will have more boo-boos in the future.  But, no, I don’t have to like it.  And I most definitely wish I could have prevented it.  I felt like a bad mommy.

My daughter waiting to get into an event we went to on Friday evening. This best shows her poor knees. Within about 16 hours, she'd also have two bumps on her forehead. *Sigh*

On Saturday morning, as we were getting ready to leave, she tripped over my foot right as I was starting to move it to get out of her way and face planted into our entertainment center.  She ended up with a goose egg on each side of her forehead.  One side went down by that evening.  The other side is still bruised.

It was another bad mommy moment to say the least.  Again, it was an accident.  Again, these things happen.  But, also again, I certainly don’t have to like it and wish I could have prevented it.

Since then I’ve been a bit on edge when she’s walking outside or trips.  Today, she’s taken two falls in the house.  She’s a toddler and just learning.  As we were walking into the house from our visit to the grocery store this morning, she tripped walking into the garage and stumbled slightly.  My heart skipped a beat.  She was fine; I was not.

I’d love to put her in a bubble.  I’d love to keep her in the house and safe.  But, as evident from the Saturday morning incident (and many others), just being in the house won’t keep her safe.  I just want to save my child from ever getting hurt.  I know logically this isn’t possible.  I know there are so many more bumps to come in her life.  And, yet, my heart can’t help but break at the thought of them.  My mind can’t help but race to think of any idea I can come up with that might somehow protect her.

I’ve had a few people say to me recently that these things happen.  They’ve pointed out that it’s not a big deal.  However, I have to disagree.  To me, it is a big deal for my daughter to get hurt in any way.  I know it’s the way of the world.  I know it happens to every human kid as he or she is learning to walk.  I know it happens when toddlers get way too distracted and excited about what they’re doing to pay attention to where they’re walking.  But, it still breaks my heart.  I comfort my child.  I act like it’s OK.  That’s what moms do.  She takes her cues from me.  What she doesn’t know is that when her tears are dried and she’s off playing again, that I’m still reeling from her getting hurt.  And, yes, I do sometimes feel like a bad mommy for not being able to protect her more, even when I know that it’s completely impossible.

Bad mommy moments happen.  Hurt toddlers happen.  Maybe I should be thankful for this phase.  After all, skinned knees are easier to tend to than some of the hurts and challenges that will come as she’s older.  Good grief!  I can’t even imagine dealing with her first heartache from some stupid little boy (see, I’m already angry!).

No matter how desperately I want to, I can’t save her from everything.  But I will just be there for her when things go wrong — hopefully turning bad mommy moments into good ones.

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