Learning to let go

I have OCD tendencies — more than I care to admit, in fact.  My husband could tell you stories.  My college roommate could as well. In fact, I remember her sharing a few words of wisdom for “Living with Stacey” as we were making wedding plans all those years ago.

One thing I’ve been obsessed with is organizing my daughter’s toys.  I’m not a total nut about it.  I let her play and do what she likes with her toys (as long as she’s not throwing them, eating them, putting them in the trash or plopping them in the toilet).  But, at the end of the day or play time, I put them away in an organized fashion.  She has a farm stand.  I know which bins should be which fruit or vegetable and how many there should be.  We have six strawberries, five apples, five ears of corn, five pears and three radishes.  And they go in that order when we’re finished playing.

For her birthday she got a Little People farm that came with a three-piece fence, a feeding trough, a tractor, a farmer, a sheep and a cow.  I like to put them all into their correct container.  Same for the Little People schoolhouse and school bus that she got for Christmas.  I rotate through her 20 animal magnets and give her five at a time.  I like to have them back in place on the refrigerator at the end of the day.

I will admit I had a few days where I didn’t organize her toys after she went to bed and left them where they were, but I organized them more often than not.

Some of the toy chaos in my house

Then I hurt my shoulder.  I know.  I’m whining about it a lot on this blog.  You should be with me in real life!  However, it’s completely affected my world as I know it right now.  It affects how I parent, how I work, how I live life.  It also affects how I put away toys.  I’m learning to let go and relax.  Right now, for example, I know that one apple from the farm stand is in my bedroom and two are in front of her bookshelf.  One pear has gone missing.  One magnet is missing.  I know that the Little People containers have non-Little People toys in them.  I know that the Little People dog who should be in the schoolhouse is instead hiding in the corner of my living room next to a chair.

I also know that no one else cares.  When Lexiana is playing, she doesn’t care if her toys weren’t put away precisely as they arrived to us.  My husband doesn’t notice if the toys aren’t where they should be.  He just sits and plays with my daughter and helps me scooch them into submission after she goes to bed.  No one has come to visit and been appalled that Little People were mixed in with a Weeble Wobble and Happy Meal toy.  No one noticed.

I’m learning to let go and relax about it.  I’m not sure what will happen when I feel better. Perhaps I’ll go back to organizing.  Perhaps I’ll not organize at all.  I’m guessing I’ll fall somewhere in the middle.  For now, I’m trying to just enjoy the freedom of it and not stress about disorganization.  I’m fighting OCD Stacey.

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