Even the President gets downtime

I had this realization while in the shower this morning.  It could be, in part, that I’m engrossed in George W. Bush’s book, “Decision Points.”  But it also has to do with the fact that I’m baby-less today, tonight and tomorrow.  She is staying at my parents’ house.

This isn’t my first time away from her overnight.  We had an anniversary trip last August and the stomach flu together last Halloween, but that doesn’t make it any easier.  It was my idea for her to stay with her Lolly and Poppy and it made so much sense last evening when I was in the middle of making dinner and parenting at the same time.  It made sense when I was trying to read an e-mail message from a friend and she was standing beside me saying “Stinky” over and over as I realized she needed a new diaper.  I fantasized about how I could do things like work without interruption, sit down to check my computer, eat lunch in peace and have a nice dinner with my husband without having to cut up part of my food into kid-sized bites.

However, as I got up this morning and got ready for our day, I started dreading having her gone.  I started feeling guilty about it.  What kind of mother sends her child to stay with her grandparents without a good reason?  All I had was work to do during the day and dinner out with my husband.  True, we have some things we’d like to get done around the house tomorrow, but we could work around Lexiana.  We’re good at that these days.  Mommy guilt was in full effect.

Then I realized even the President of the United States get a break every so often.  If he can do that, surely I can, too.  It’s been a long last couple of weeks with a couple of sicknesses in our household and some other stress as well.  Taking some time to work without interruption and enjoy some downtime isn’t such a bad thing.  I’m not a bad mother.  No, really.  I. Am. Not. A. Bad. Mother.  (I will keep repeating it until I believe it.)

Yet, my eyes still welled up after she was officially gone.  I know she’ll have a great time.  My parents are beside themselves to keep her overnight for their second time.  She has everything packed that she’ll need and more.  She loves them; they love her.  I want her to be close to them, and that can’t happen without her spending time with them.

So, here I sit.  Now I’m down to just my one job.  It used to be enough to be a freelance journalist.  I still love what I do.  I still wouldn’t trade it in.  But, a part of me misses my second job as mommy today.  At least for now.

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